Dear Songbird, Bless your heart! I wish there was something I could say that would ease your pain.
Every one here who has replied has said it so well but may I add as well - IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT IN ANY WAY!
I'm not very religious either, but I believe in prayer and I have to believe that God will make it up to you.
That's another reason this group is so great, we are allowed to just VENT the things we FEEL even if we know ourselves it may not be rational.
I must constantly make an effort to not let CRPS destroy my life, but some days it just wins and I have to try again.
My kids are "grown" but I know they still need me and for their sakes (and my husband's) I have to try to do what I can and keep myself together.
You certainly need to grieve, but for your own sake please try to count the blessings you do have.