Quote:
Originally Posted by CRPSsongbird
So I had to have a D & C yesterday. I feel horrible. Empty, hollow, and hurt. I should have been about 7 weeks pregnant and the baby stopped growing at about 4 weeks.
One person I have always relied on is my older brother. I'm 30 he's 35. I only have 1 child who's almost 8yrs old. My brother has 1 girl who's 15. We always share what's going on in our lives and are very supportive.
Well, this has devastated me. I think this was probably my last chance at having another baby. My fiancé is much older than me and this baby was a surprise.
The one person I thought I could turn to in my family besides my fiancé (who has been wonderful), is the person who has hurt me the most. My brother kept saying things like, It could have been worse, or at least you weren't that far along. And probably the worst was "It could have been worse, you could have had twins or triplet's" WORSE? I would have been rejoicing if that had happened.
instead here I am my heart feels like its crumbling to dust and I can't stop crying. I don't care how far along I was my baby DIED. Inside of me. and there was nothing I could do.....
I know he was probably just searching for things to say to make it better or what ever. but to me it felt like he was saying it's not that big of a deal. like it wasn't a "real baby" he said something to that effect. Like at least you hadn't felt the baby kick yet. No I didn't I'm sure it can be worse the further along you are. however I was praying so hard the doctors were wrong. I would give anything to feel my baby kick. I know what that feels like, And I am a wonderful mother I would've done anything to keep my baby.
No I keep hearing what he said and how belittling it felt. Like I didn't have the right to grieve so much. Why can't people understand MY BABY DIED.
If you don't know what to say, instead of shoving your foot further down your mouth just say "Im sorry" or NOTHING!
I'm crying so hard writing this....I already felt cheated and now I feel like some people think don't have the right to be so upset. Like I should just "get over it".
Well, I can't. I can barely find the strength to get up and go to the bathroom or to put on a brave face for my daughter. Though I am so grateful to have her.....my heart breaks for the baby I will never hold. Never sing to. Never kiss softy and rock through the night.....
It's almost too much to bear
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My heart is broken for you. I'm so sorry this happened. You have every right to feel the way you do. If I have learned one thing in this long life of mine, it is to not expect too much from other people when you are hurting like this. The more you expect, the harder the fall when they don't meet your expectations. You could talk to your brother about how you feel and how hurt his words were to you. I have a feeling he might understand if you talk to him about your pain. If you don't talk to him about it, you may never be able to fully forgive him for what he said.
We had a granddaughter die at three days old and my loving, sweet, uncle said "well, at least they didn't get that attached to her before she died". I couldn't believe my ears. You just never know what people will say when they don't know what to say!!! They just don't think it through.
You are in my prayers. I would imagine your fiance and daughter are going through some grief also. Let them in. Let them feel your pain. Sometimes it's good to share your feelings with the ones so close to you. That opens the door for them to grieve with you. May God give you strength and peace within your heart.
(I might tell you I am a Stephen Minister and was trained in spiritual counseling in grief). Feel free to vent to me any time you wish. Blossom25