Thank you all especially Mark, its like ill be watching tv or cleaning and ill think and say hay I'm gonna clean her room and then instantly tears come ans all I can think of is that one night she helped me clean her sisters room, even though she hated to clean I can see and realize she just wanted to be with her mom. I feel so bad for all thoes times she wanted me to play barbies but I was to busy well I thought I was.. moat of the time its all the things I didn't do or didn't say to her that I remember, yers I do have wonderefull mories but its so hard to think of them.. sometimes I don't know if I can go on. I'm a mother of 5, ages 9yr,4yr,3yr, almost 2yr and a 3mo old who was born in the middle of her my oldest illness and she was 6wks early.. people judge me when they see and hear how many kids I got but never in my life have I ever thought one of my baby's would be disabled.. I'm sorry I had to vent to someone....