Thanks Sally and Tkirk!

I am hoping this does mean good things to come.

I realized lately, that I am becoming slightly depressed.

I think it's the whole still not having my OWN house, not being to pay my way through life on my own, of course all the health issues, and some of it is jealousy...

Jealousy that my boyfriend doesn't have to do anything. nothing at all. He has one chore and that's take out the trash and he usually 'forgets' to do it.

I love him dearly, but am seriously questioning life with him at this point. I should be the one laying in bed while someone else is doing the laundry, the dishes, taking care of cats (that aren't even mine), trying to clean the bathroom. The list is endless. And I understand that men don't do much, but I think I would rather be all alone and have my own house and have it clean the way that I want it to be. I know that sounds like crazy talk but I realize that that is the ONE thing that I get mad about everyday.. doing ALL the house work while he lays in bed all day. I don't want kids. That's ONE of the MANY reasons I dont want kids, ever. I don't want to be cleaning up their messes all day and that's what I do with my boyfriend and his mom. And it drives me up a flipping wall!

I force that smile on my face, even if I am not feeling it.


I feel fake smiles will induce a real smile at some point right?

My rant up there makes me feel like a really bad person.

His mom does alot for me so that's why I try to do all that I can to help out, but she's very careless and will trash the kitchen in 30 seconds after I had spent 4 hours cleaning it.

I just am thinking it's not fair to me to live a miserable life on top of MS because I can't 'adapt' to their lifestyles. I don't approve of half-buttin anything. If I can do it 100% with MS there is absolutely no excuse for all the dishes to still be dirty.. or for there still to be crap on the countertop after wiping it down.

I've been living here for 4 years.. and still not have adapted and still get mad about the same stuff everyday.. so I am thinking that I prolly never will adapt if I haven't at this point... Maybe I am just a crazy person with OCD