Dear Love, I am a Stephan Minister and most of my training is in grief. Grief takes a different amount of time for everyone. There's no right or wrong way to grieve. But, when grief goes on and on and you can't get through it, you definantly need some help. Spiritual counseling is what I do. It's really rough losing your mother at such a young age. You are grieving for things that could have been instead of totally grieving for what used to be. you could have a service if it would help you let go. You could bury her ashes or spread them at a place she loved. Then maybe you could tell her goodbye. As for her knowing how much you love her,,,, go through Jesus. He will take care of it for you. Have a good talk with him of the same things you said in your post. HE will guide you. He will get the messages to her. He will take care of everyone of your needs. And give Him your pain.
You and your mother are God's children and He cares very much for both of you.
If you need any help from me, I'm offering. I have so much empathy for people going through grief. It's so very difficult. God Bless you and your family. and may the peace of God's Grace be with you always.
Blossom25