I agree with alot of this...
I know it's hard when we are a person alone, sitting and reading a post. I can be so easy to internalize due to the personal interaction...me alone, reading the the other person. It feels more like a two-way conversation, so internalizing or assuming comments can be so much more easily done. I noticed that about myself when I first ventured into the online world and figured that was why then...after several times of realizing a person didn't even have me close in thought when posting.
If a person was criticizing and being general, I could immediately say to myself, "Ugh! Why would they say that about me?"...immediately. I think that's due to the appearance of one on one when deeply enmeshed in a thread.
That's another reason that I like to use "I statements" and "I examples" just as I did above. I related my experience to the misconceptions then understanding, but to also state where I stand on the comments, ya know?
It is difficult not to respond in like when we read highly emotional threads...whether they're defensive, crying for help, criticizing, adoring. It's much that way in the real world as well...it's a natural "being in the moment".
I think you touched on the golden rule when asking a person to ask themselves how they would feel. That's alot the way I relate to others...how I like to be interacted with...respect, not being "told", sharing understanding, etc.
I think it's really important to know that, if we make a public post or comment, we should be willing to accept response...even those that differ from ours. That said, it doesn't mean we should have to "take" a response that's attacking, ugly, flaming, etc. However, disagreement we should be able to accept. Agreed. Someone wanting to state their view opposite to ours respectfully should be accepted. Agreed. That's what makes conversation and allows us to learn and grow as individuals...to see the other side...etc.
Alot of plain and simple *acceptance* is a part of life, and forum communications...accepting response, differening opinions, different experiences, disagreeing friends, bad moods, good moods, moderation, I could go on but I think I made that point.
Absolute agreement in that this community should be for ANYONE who wants/needs to use it for its intended purposes, and it is. Again, and action required there...acceptance.
There's not one of us who is perfect, in a good mood all the time, not in some kind of pain at some point, etc. It happens and that's generally accepted and known...including by the moderation/administration team. I, for instance, have made a couple of judgments I ordinarily wouldn't have made had my life not been so chaotic and I was rushed, didn't take time to get the whole story, read further, etc. It does happen for us all and as a community we generally accept that from the other. I'm proud to see that.
I think y'all are great, and just because there's an upset or a guideline crossed, it doesn't mean that those thoughts or feelings change...not one iota. Hopefully y'all will know me long enough to figure that out.
Love,
KD