I am blessed that I work in the family business and my father is also my employer. I have an amazing support system in place. My sister is a Speech Pathologist. I have not seen an occupational therapist but I think that is on the list of questions for my doc.

Today I was trying to collate some papers. One set was 2-sided, and I needed all of the pages on the same side. So instead of having 10 pages of paper I needed 20. It took me the entire day to sort the damn things and my Dad was not getting why I was making an easy task so difficult. The problem was, each time I turned over a piece of paper, it was staring back at me as if I had just started. The back of the second sheet was the same as the front of the first! I could NOT figure out why each time I flipped the paper, it appeared as if I had done nothing at all. It completely stressed me out and I was exhausted. That is the hard part for me. the seemingly simple things are soooooo difficult, yet I can have moments of complete clarity and discuss portfolio diversification and market theory.... so weird!

One of the things I have picked up on is to write a goal sheet for the day on a note card. I will put things like "go out for coffee" or "call xxxxx back" "stay calm" "cook a real dinner" and try to see how many things I can accomplish. On the back of the card, I write how my day went, and which tasks were too daunting or which were easy. I've found that I can then trace back a few days and see if I have something that I just can't overcome so then I can ask for help.

My family can't understand why I have panic attacks in the middle of the night but not when I'm driving. I don't have any anxiety about driving at all; I am totally cool with my accident. **** happens, right? no big deal. What makes me so worked up in the middle of the night that I start hyperventilating? I wish I could give them an answer. I just hope the meds start working soon. They are worried that I'm withdrawing and being anti-social because I don't want to "go out". Holy crap, dudes, I'm exhausted! No, I do not want to be around people because I am so freakin tired! What part of that don't you get? LOL! Let me finally get some rest and MAYBE I'll have enough energy to deal with people... I haven't had a good night's rest in WEEKS. Catch me on a Monday after I've had the entire weekend to relax. You'd probably think I was totally fine. Today (thursday), and tomorrow especially, not so much. I'm pretty much ripping at the seams. I will likely sleep in much of Saturday and feel a lot better. Its so frustrating!

Anyway I feel the desire to write so much but when I sit down to do it I find the task very difficult. it took me 20 minutes to write all of this down. I do feel some relief by documenting my symptoms so I think I might treat this thread like a blog of sorts. We'll see. Thanks again for all the support and well wishes. It does mean a lot to me.