Hi July63.

It seems to me that you're reaching out for the help to change yourself... we all know, no matter what challenges we face in our lives... that there's something we have to do, to feel good about ourselves and the paths we've chosen (or been forced to walk on!). Trouble is, "what we have to do" isn't always obvious.

Might I suggest that you search out all your posts on this site - it's like a journal, of sorts... see how you've grown ... see how you've fallen down ... see how life is forever putting obstacles in your way. And most of all - see if there are any "ah-ha!" moments - so that you can wisely chose and get through each day.

Participating in online support is a HUGE step in the right direction. You DO have support here... always remember that.