Today is going to be a long day went to bed last night @ 11:30 and was awakened by muscle spasms @ 3:30 and have been up since then. These where very painful never had muscle spasms in this region started off in the back side of my right thigh and moved up to the inner part of my rt thigh and into my groin region right in the scrotum area HOPEFULLY that never happens again . I go to see the new neuro doc on wed and I'm very nervous about starting with a new doc and hoping he will take inconsideration the referral from my other doc for the trial and not want to start from scratch with test after test if he wants to go that route I can tell you now I'm not going for all that again for the past 3 years I feel like a pincushion for some science project. I was wondering if any of you had a lot of muscle spasms before your scs devices ? If so does it help with the muscle spasms ?
The past couple of days have been awkward for me I have the feeling of excitement that possibly things will work out and can start the process of the trial then there is the overwhelming aspect of it that comes into play as fear that nothing will come of this. Worried I'm going to be stuck in this hell of pain and tortured even longer I told my wife the other night that if this doc doesn't work out I don't know what else to do anymore. Of course her reply was "we will keep fighting like we always have all this time so far......... TOGETHER" I'm very lucky man to have her but there comes a moment for me of weakness and instability in my mind when I just feel I can't go on fighting this battle that seems relentless and has a strangle hold on me at times. I know it seems I'm just rambling on but for some reason this morning I had to put in words for myself to see. An try and get a grasp on the whole thing I don' think I have been this emotional about anything since my little girl was born. Which is difficult for me because most of the time I can be in so much pain and be void of any kind of emotion because I have become accustomed to it but the pain along with the emotional rollercoaster I have been on worrying about all this has put me into a tail spin.