No, I cannot continue like I have been doing. The pain alone has driven me to stop playing golf, stop fishing and boating, stop attending Boy Scouts, and even now has driven me to not want to go out to eat with my family. I can barely manage to work, then come home and crash each day. I still work full time, but it is becoming harder and harder to make it through the day. Neck pain turns into a bad headache, the kind which feels like someone is stabbing you in the eyeball.

My right arm is really beginning to bother me. It hurts all the time now, in all parts except not in my bicep for whatever reason. My right hand feels like a bad case of writer's cramp, except I have done no writing. Handwriting is getting sloppy too. Right arm is definitely weaker.

I have been seen by a neurosurgeon and orthopedic spine surgeon about 15 months ago, and both noted stenosis and symptoms, but neither saw any signs of myelopathy at the time, though the ortho did note a positive Hoffmann sign (reflex issue - with the right arm, of course).

I'm going to the director of neurosurgery at a large teaching medical school/university in 3 weeks for evaluation. He's supposed to be the best neurosurgeon/spine surgeon at the school, and on different doctor ratings, he rates 4/4 and 5/5 stars. The only complaint is the amount of time it takes to see him, which for me will be a month. I'm hopeful he can tell me based on MRI and x-rays what I have, and the game plan to fix it. I'm ready for surgery right now, because I can tell my right arm is getting worse, and I know that if I don't get something done, things will only continue to worsen. I don't like surgery, but I also want to stay alive and function, and I'm sick of being in pain every night. Scared to death, yes, out of my mind, yes, but also committed to getting this fixed, as long as there is a good chance of success.

As for how to deal with the fear, I talk to friends and family. In addition, I'm a man of faith, so that helps especially in uncertain times like this.