Is that a disorder? I get to points when I am in soooo much pain that I seriously cannot focus on ANYTHING but pain. It is so bad that when I go to the E.R I sound like a drugged out freak. I wouldn't be able to fill out a basic common sense form if my life depended on it. Last time I went in, it was 2am and in so much pain it warranted an ER visit. I had to wake people up to drive me and watch my son. All I could tell the DR was that I was in a lot of pain. I attempted to give him a rundown of the last decade of my life dealing with chronic pain and even as I was listening to myself speak I knew I sounded like a lunatic with a speech problem. He wrote on my discharge paper "mental disorder" and sent me home.

Mental disorder? Are you freaking kidding me? Though thatthat's probably exactly what it looked like, a crazy derranged person at the time, I'm starting to wonder if that's true? Does anyone else experience this? I've had my DR of 10 yrs tell me "its all in your head." He was referring to the pain. That is definitely not true because that inner voice everyone has that tells them to: 'run a little farther', 'don't give up', 'you can do it', or whatever... well my inner voice is the drill instructor from Full Metal Jacket. He doesn't take any crap. The sound of that guys voice is always telling me to suck it up, I'm fine. The pain just doesn't listen.

Recently I've tried a different approach to deal with my 'pain brain' by reciting all the states in alphabetical order, then again by listing the states major cities and professional sports teams. That's my distraction technique. It gives me something I have to focus on and makes me feel not brain damaged.

I have Chronic Myofascial Pain stage 2. It sucks. I should be on painkillers but I'm testing out other methods before going that route. I have become so vegetarian I border on vegan. I swim every chance I get and lift weights. So far its been helping! I have more good days and less terrible ones. But those terrible days last for 4-5 days and it is horrible. Do I need drugs all the time? No. Occasionally? YES!

The 25 page study they did on my condition specifically states that doctors will think I'm crazy and making my pain up. This is because it doesn't show up on ANY tests. Not xrays, not MRI's, nothing! They can only be felt. They are huge knots that feel like gravel and touching them makes them hurt more. The best part of the study is when they refer to the pain as "a rabid dog in your living room." That's the most accurate description ever!

The point is that I'm starting to wonder if I AM crazy??? I seriously don't think so but isn't that what a crazy person in denial would say? I just want to know if anyone else experiences this 'pain brain' thing? And if so, how do you deal with it? Is there a specific name for it? Or am I really crazy? I'm open to any and ALL suggestions. Thanks guys!