Does anyone else feel like their world is crashing down? Or that they can do nothing right? That is the kind of day I am having. I hurt today more than I have the last few weeks. I am trying not to take meds so I don't affect my pregnancy. I feel like a failure because I can't get up and clean my house. My son is mad at me because I had to put my dog where he can't hit her because he thinks its funny. Its at that age. I want to curl up in a dark room and not have anyone even think about me, but then that makes me feel worse. Because if I feel that way I know that I am putting off that vibe. I want to take my son to the park or even just outside to play but I can't go running after him if he decides to start running off out of the yard. I want to go shopping for food for the house but I hurt too much. I don't want strange people looking at me weird because I get on a motor scooter to do my shopping thinking oh there goes another lazy person that just doesn't want to walk. Why do I have to feel this way? Even as I write this I am on the verge of crying. I know some of my emotions are hormone based. Its the pregnancy I know and when my newest son is born and grows up he will thank me for not taking the meds because of how high of a potential there is of messing him up. But then again I keeping thinking that he wouldn't thank me for being in pain for his sake. I am trying to be brave and hide these feelings. I don't want my husband to think he has to do everything for me. I don't want my son/s to think I don't love them. Right now I just want to hide from the world but can't. A mom can't hide from her kids unless she is just so mental and doesn't have a maternal bone in her body. She has to be with her babies. Its a natural instinct. But being with him hurts too. The walking and standing and getting on the floor to play. It all adds up. I have had to get my husband to help me up several times because I couldn't do it by myself. I am trying to teach my son to bring me my phone incase I need to call someone for help. The thing is he is more interested in playing with it himself lol. I love my family. I love my husband and think he is awesome. But this is something I don't want to burden himself with. I don't want him to worry that I will hurt myself intentionally because of how I feel, or to get rid of the pain. I just wish there was a way to stop the pain and make me, me again.