Anyone else afraid of waking up in the morning? Its the scariest part of the day for me. I know immediately when I open my eyes what kind of day it will be. I have to drug myself into a comma just to sleep and unfortunately, its a necessity. If I get terrible sleep its a guarantee I will have terrible pain for days. I live on a heating pad and my upper back looks like a jungle cats skin w red blotches everywhere. It goes away after a few weeks, but I can't stay off the heat for that long.

I have terrible luck. I roll snake eyes every time. If anyone wants to make big bucks, come to Vegas w me and do the exact opposite of what I do and u will be a big winner. When decisions come down to do or not to do, I flip a quarter. Heads is do it! Tails is don't. It is ALWAYS tails! I've been in an airplane that was struck by lightening. That doesn't happen too often so buy a lottery ticket right? Not unless I feel like donating money.

Winning the lottery for me is less like a prize and more like the short story "The Lottery." For those of u unfamiliar, the winner of 'the lottery' in the book gets stoned to death by the rest of the people in the village. That's my kind of luck. Always has been. It makes me think I was a bad person in another life. Its definitely not this life. I'm that person that always smiles, always polite with the please and thank you's. I'm from the country. I was brought up to respect everyone. I swear it jades me a little when I go to the city and hold doors open for people and they don't say thanks, look at you crazy when you say hello to a random stranger in passing. But whatever.

The point of this post: I may not have money at the moment(hard to have money w no job) I don't have a smokin hot boyfriend(Edgar Ramirez) and I live with my parents so they can help with my 2yr old while I deal with this chronic pain. But I'm very rich. I have a family that puts a roof over my head and can play with my son when I can't. I have a beautiful, smart, HEALTHY little boy who loves his mommy and kisses my back when I tell him it hurts. That is the aspect I try hard to focus on everyday. I may always draw the short end of the stick when it comes to my pain, but I sure did hit the jackpot when it comes to my baby and my family. Things could always be worse. Its hard to believe that when I'm writhing in pain, but on days like today when I feel ok, I feel very blessed.