Quote:
Originally Posted by zookester
RSD-Renee,
You can go on about it all you need!! So.. on another note are you still getting out 5 min 3x per day minimum? Have you set a goal for 6,8,10??? I know you are struggling in many ways as I am too but I promise that if you do this everyday you will feel better both physically and mentally. Please keep trying.. never give up.
My problem with the whole "you look fine" is more about people seeing me fine one minute and barely having enough energy to squeak out a 'hello' the next. I don't like being asked "what is going on" or for those who know that I've been through 12 major surgeries in the past 2 years.. it changes to "what now". They don't mean it to come across that way and truthfully that is how I feel as well.. but it still causes frustration in me because that just makes me all the more want to keep it all inside. Of course I like it when people do think I look good.. lord knows on the inside I don't so a nice compliment goes a long ways in making me feel good despite the pain. I don't expect everyone to "get it" nor do I want everyone to know what I am going through.. but I also don't want people blowing me off because they don't understand the ups and downs of this whole disease. If I were on the other side of this it would be hard to fathom for me also, I try to remember that. The other component to my issues is that I don't want people to baby me.. including my husband. In fact just this morning as I was folding laundry he looked over and caught my grimace, this made him jump up and offer to do it for me. That is what I don't want... I HAVE to keep doing things, the more people baby me the more frustrated I get.. damn it.. I have climbed Mount Rainier all 14,410 feet of it in the freezing cold, dodging crevasses and ice axing my way up with a head lamp.. I've got to be able to fight back pain enough to fold a load of laundry!! This is my internal fight.. I've just got to keep trying to find ways to combat the pain and keep moving. One day at a time (and sometimes it is one hour at a time).
Renee.. you are so sweet!!!
Look up, move forward and reach out...
Tessa
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Thanks Tess. You are very sweet too. And I walked again a few days ago by myself for short time. I'm trying to do it as much as I can, but yesterday was not a good day for me. Maybe I'll try again today. It does help. I guess I should be glad when people say I look fine too, but the cynic in me thinks what their really saying is that I'm not at sick as I say I am. And that's so NOT true. It's feels like insult to injury to me when they say it and it really hurts. I had two major surgeries last year a few months apart. One was over 2 hrs and the the other over 6 hrs. The drs thought on top of everything else I had with my rsd, endometrosis, abcesses and cysts, that I also might have ovarian cancer. Luckily, that wasn't the case, but it was a terrifying time. It physcially and mentally took a toll on me. I looked at the survival rates for ovarian cancer and it didn't look good. So I prepared a will to protect my family and started looking into cancer clinics just in case I did have it. And cried alot. Again, I'm so thankful I didn't have it. RSD and Fibromyalgia are enough of a challenge for me. I'm so sorry you had 12 surgeries. That's awful. I hope you don't have anymore. And maybe I shouldn't be so cynical of people who say I look fine. I guess I would have a hard time understanding rsd if I didn't have it either. My husband says I should look at things in a more positive way. I guess I need to work on it a little harder. I also think I'm still in the angry state of the grieving process of having rsd. I thought I was past it, but now I'm not so sure. Well thanks for caring and hope you have a good day.
PS - Mountain climbiing? That's SO cool! Me, I'm a beach girl. Or at least I used to be. I always loved to swim, especially in the ocean. Well thanks again for caring so much.Take care.
