I have a walking stick that I use instead of a normal cane when I need to, and I decorated it with bright curly ribbons in colors that I like to make it as cheerful and pretty as possible. It's kind of a "if I have to use a cane, then it's going to be on my terms, and I'm going to make it pretty!" kind of thing. A little bit of control in an out-of-control situation.

I still feel bad for my kids and husband, because I'm in my early 50's and my parents and my in-laws are in their 80's and can run circles around me, and "all the other moms" at school are normal, ya know? but that's just reality - I need help walking sometimes, and it really helps. They're used to it now, and will even remind me sometimes if we're going somewhere where I might need it. But I totally know what you mean - it's SO hard to have to actually see something like a cane, when you keep wishing so hard that it isn't true. Best wishes for a good resolution for this! I think the best thing to do is talk it out, and work together, and try to balance your needs and his needs. Maybe sometimes you can skip the cane and use your DH's arm if that's what helps him, and sometimes you can use the cane if you don't want to have to hold onto his arm 100% of the time.

My middle son was born with caudal regression syndrome and has no legs (well, he kind of has little stubbies, but basically no legs). There were times when he was a baby and he was in the stroller that I would cover his body with a little blanket and put a scrunched-up blanket under the top blanket so it looked like he had legs, because I didn't feel like using the extra energy that it took dealing with people's reactions to him, and I wanted people to see him just as a cute little baby. Most days I didn't do this, but some days I did. It might be a bit of the same thing with your husband - it might just be a little break for him if you sometimes just used his arm - do you know what I mean?

A really hilarious thing happened once when I was doing the fake-legs-under-a-blanket thing. Some total stranger came up to me and bent over the stroller and started cooing about how cute he was, and then she said "I just LOVE babies' feet!" and actually reached out and whipped off the top blanket and came face-to-face with his stubbies and twisted, deformed little feet. The look on her face was priceless - she stood there with her mouth hanging open, unable to make a single sound except a kind of gasping noise. I said my usual explaining thing that I had perfected for that period of shock when people saw him, and that gives them time to recover, and finally she recovered a bit and stammered out something or other and fairly ran off. I bet she never did that again!

Anyway, here's a gentle virtual hug, and I hope you two can work this out with compassion and understanding, as well as an acknowledgement of reality. And I recommend ribbons for that cane!