Ahhhh canes, walking sticks, crutches, wheelchairs......

I was so scared of using anything. I'm 42, I was 40 when this started. Still young in my heart and my attitudes, took my health and vitality and strength slightly for granted. And thought I had another 40 years to gradually slow down.... I never considered not being active and energetic into at least my 70's, like my parents....

Gosh this is hard. I fought for ages against using anything but clearly-medical-look-a-doctor-made-me-use-these crutches. But in the end you need to use what makes your life easier. Whatever gives you back some of the you that feels like it was ripped away.

I've been able to NOT use aids for the last two months. But with the last month and the creeping gnaw of the monster getting angry again, I see them propped in the corner looking at me, I see my wheelchair in the garage, all cobwebby and forlorn, and I don't want to be in it. I don't want to be that person.

But you know what. That person IS me. I have CRPS. It has made a right mess of my left leg, my left arm too, my right toes. I hurt all the time. I lost my job, some of my friends, my sports, my joy of walking and running, my freedom to be alone wherever I want. I lost some of me.

So what. So freaking what. I am just a slightly different me. CRPS doesn't own me, it just means I have to do things differently now. So I will use whatever I have to to still be me. And I like to do stuff.

I like to go to the park, to wild beautiful places, to big stores with my kids to pick out clothes. I like to collect conkers, to walk on the beach, to go to the cinema and watch a loooong film. But I need a little help, so I'll use the darn things. And I don't care who sees or what they think.

I've learnt that people only have a problem with it if they see YOU having a problem with it. So be proud of yourself for doing what you can. Smile, talk, act natural. Never ever be embarrassed for trying to live your life against odds like ours.

I use my cane on the right because my weakness is in my left leg. It's quite a cute cane, dark wood with a shaped top to sit in my palm, because I can't tolerate the normal shape

Sorry, this turned into a right old speech!!!!!!

I was talking to myself I think. It's time to use my old friend with the dark wood again, and I guess I just needed to realise it and accept it.

Good luck everyone and walk tall. We are all of us amazing for even getting out of bed today

Bram.