Hi July,

Please please please keep trying to find help for yourself, don't give up. Good psychologists exist, they are just hard to find and few & far between. Here is a list that may be helpful, pick one that you like:
http://therapists.psychologytoday.co...te=NY&spec=206
or you can look here based on your zip code
http://locator.apa.org/
These will be licensed and you can select by specialization.

Same goes for people --- I cant tell you how much I relate to your post about your friend saying you are toxic. I lost a lot of friends last year during my depressive episode. They just up and ditched me, no reason at all. Atleast you got clarification, I suppose. Friends don't ditch you when you need them. That's what I've learned and hopefully you can use that too. There's a lot of users out there and people who aren't nice. And people who kill themselves cant handle it anymore. There are always more ways to keep trying and not give up, but it isn't your job to help everyone or anyone but yourself.