My name is Cherise. I was first diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder in 2001. Schizoaffective is a combination of both Schizophrenia, and Bipolar Disorders. I first became ill when I was about 16. Although, I believe the symptoms started creeping on to me slowly from about age 14. That puts us at 1990. I was first diagnosed Schizophrenic. I dismissed this diagnosis though, because, I had a misconception, at this time, about what Schizophrenia was. I thought it meant "multiple personalities". So, maybe just to appease me, the doctors diagnosed me with Bipolar Disorder, or better, more commonly known as Manic Depression. I stayed with this diagnosis for several years, untill, I began with yet another doctor, who explained to me that I had both illnesses-hence the Schizoaffective.

When, I was first diagnosed with a mental illness, I was so afraid of it, and, in such denial, that I refused to take medication regularly. I have been hospitalized a total of 9 times over the last 15 years. With 5 of those being within the first year of diagnosis. It wasn't untill my 3rd hospitilization, that I was actually diagnosed with an illness, and, medicated.

It is very difficult to live with an illness such as this. It effects every aspect of your life. And, if you're like me, and, lack the support of your biological family, and, people that are supposed to be your friends, it is even more difficult. Every time before I am hospitilized, I deteriorate to the point where I can no longer care for myself physically. It doesn't even occur to me to shower, or get dressed, or eat, or brush my hair, etc. And, sleeping. Forget about it! I was once awake for 5 days non-stop. I do have some support now, from the people I have gotten to know over the last 7 years. So, I am in much better shape now, than I was before I met these people. I also, have been taking my medication faithfully for the last 8 years. Although, I recently had another episode causing me to be hospitilized.

Also, my psychiatrist says that people with my disorder, tend to get progressively worse untill about age 36, then the disorder pretty much stays that way for the rest of their life. He also tells me that, if I were to get pregnant, I would have a 1 in 3 chance of my illness getting worse during the pregnancy. It would either get worse, stay the same, or get better. That's too big a risk for me. It is so hard to deal with now at the level it's at. And, I don't really think I could subject an innocent child to this level of difficulty.

Anyway, hope I helped some

peace, and , love
Cgirl