Oh Syl. I'm so sorry. Losing your mother is a terrible terrible thing. I'm lucky that mine is still around, but my friend lost her mum several years ago, and she said there is no emotional pain that comes close. She went through a very dark time afterwards for a while but, as she said, you have no choice but to plod on, and the days did get brighter again.

The problem is that life itself has no sympathy for what we are already going through - it just keeps going, throwing challenges and catastrophes and turmoil at us....and the world expects us to deal with it as though we were just dealing with the same kind of life as anyone else. You can't hold a sign up saying 'bear with me, I've got a load of other crap going on as well as this, please just lay off' Financial stuff is awful to deal with simply because it is so soulless, but can strip you of all confidence, take your sleep, and wreck all your plans. We've had to change all our plans since the CRPS, and goodness knows how things will pan out long-term. Those without money worries have no idea how lucky they are - money cant buy happiness, but it can remove so much worry and stress. I will hope that your situation gets a bit better soon, and you can get some help with that side of life. You deserve a break.

However horrible this time, however hopeless and bleak things seem, remember how strong you are, how strong you have been, and that those reserves of strength are bottomless, even if you step off sanity for a short time and shut out the world. It doesn't seem like it now, but you will get through this time and the better days will return. As my grandma used to say, the sun always comes out again. Hang on through this time, and remember that we are thinking of you and wishing that we could give you that iHug for real and say it'll be ok.

I'm so sorry that you have all that travel on top of everything else, it's cruel that there isn't any solution to that, just do what you can to minimise the pain, and don't feel like you have to pretend nothing is wrong.

I'll be thinking of you. Take care of yourself through this time.

Bram