Hi Brad....I think everyone with health issues or perhaps just everyone deals with self pity at some point in time. When things seem darkest it is ok to indulge your self pity and go hide and lick your wounds for awhile. I think it gets dangerous when you stay there and never come out....or as you explained, use it in a manipulative way.

When self pity never goes away I think it is perhaps a clinical depression that needs to be dealt with. I did m y own therapy when wrapped in self pity...I shocked my family by just getting in the car and ran away for 3 days. I left a note and said I was going, I not know where, just getting in the car and driving somewhere to be alone....I had gotten so down I could not stand myself so could only imagine what I was doing to everyone else. Not sure if I did it more for me or to rattle my family's cage but it was liberating. I turned off my phone and just stayed in a little guest house a few hrs from home, walked the beach and allowed myself time to just deal with my feelings. sometimes you have to run away not only figuratively but literally. I hope you can work thru this...you know sometimes it is not self pity but just caring for yourself as much as you care for others...nothing wrong with taking care of yourself and dealing with your own issues.be well....Diandra