Oh Vrae, you're not alone with this one, it does indeed completely and utterly SUCK.

I know how hard we all fight not to do the 'poor me', and I don't think it's what you or we are doing here. Every now and then it doesn't hurt to acknowledge that this disease is

JUST SO DAMNED UNFAIR.

We try to be our 'normal' (ie pre-CRPS) selves, but the pain and tiredness and mobility stuff just keeps jumping up and screaming STOP at us. We try to ignore it and carry on, but eventually it gets us and we have no choice but to give in for a bit. I think that's what's happened to you honey, you've been working so hard to get this project finished, and pushing your mind and body, increasing your stress as the deadline looms....something had to give. I'm so sorry. You deserve better.

The whole point is that though it is a good thing to push ourselves to accomplish things, good that we don't just sit back and give up, good that we still have hopes and dreams we want to fulfil.....we are not the same as we were. Each of us faces limitations that this disease has placed on our lives, and we have to try to work with them. (I know you know this lol, I'm just soapboxing sorry cant help it sometimes, I get so mad at this thing.) I recall the therapist called it 'pacing' (Bram had a few things to say to her about that at first, I seem to remember!). It's not a bad thing to try hard, but Vrae my darling girl you are not superhuman. I think this project of yours would have tested the pre-CRaPS you anyway. Don't get me wrong, I am so full of admiration that you wanted to do it, that you are fighting so hard to finish it. That is true courage.

Is there no one you can ask for some help with other things like picking the kids up? Just until you finish this? I found that after the initial few months of this thing, I have to ask for any help from outside of my own four walls - people just don't see it. Grrrrrr at them all.

Anyway, after all that drivel, I suppose I'm saying hang in there. We have a saying in old Blighty.....don't let the b****rds grind you down. You are so strong Vrae, and you will get there, one way or another. Just promise me that when this is over, you will give yourself some space and time to heal with a bit of pampering and treats. You need a bit of me time

Take care, I'm rooting for you.

Bram