Originally Posted by teresakoch

Oooh, this is a tough one.....

Since you are 41 and you are talking about becoming pregnant in "a couple of years", I assume you are talking about IVF. Unfortunately, most women over 35 are advised to use donor eggs for best results (at 43, your eggs will more than likely not result in a viable pregnancy). You don't say whether you are in a relationship right now - even if you used your own eggs, if you aren't in a relationship you will be taking a chance on the biological father's health/genetics.

The other thing that you have to look at is - sorry - your age.

ALL pregnancies in mothers over 35 are considered "high risk", regardless of the mother's health. There are very REAL reasons for this - talk to your gynecologist and get him/her to tell you what those reasons are (it's more than the risk of genetic defects in the baby).

As someone who got pregnant at 40 - quite a surprise, I must say - I can tell you 12 years later that it is VERY different from raising a child when you are in your 20s/30s. I was still fairly active at the time of our 4th child's birth, but I am now 53 and getting ready to stare down the teenage years (fortunately, she has Down syndrome, so her teen years shouldn't be as tumultuous as her sisters' were.....)

I was diagnosed with MG at the age of 50, but I had been feeling its effects - without realizing what it was - for many years earlier. I am too tired to go to my daughter's school functions. I am unable to volunteer at her school. By the time she is 18, I will be pushing 60, and I don't know what the future holds for me physically, other than that I am not going to have MORE energy than I do now.

You are talking about taking on the care and responsibility of a completely helpless child at an age when your reproductive system is starting to shut down (for a REASON). By the time this hypothetical child graduates from high school, you'll be old enough to start collecting Social Security.

I know you say that you have a "good support system" around you, but what if being pregnant has the opposite effect on you and you are in WORSE shape after the pregnancy? What if you become completely disabled? Have you given any thought to what that would mean to your child? Instead of you taking care of him/her, they would find themselves taking care of you at a time when they should be experiencing all of the joys of childhood.

And realistically, that would carry into their adult life as well, given what your age would be - that is an awfully large burden to place on a kid. If the worst were to happen and you were no longer around, are there people in your life who you would trust to raise your child for the rest of their life?

I am 53 years old. Thanks to MG, all of the plans that I had for when our older daughters left home will never be realized. I can no longer drive a car in town. I can't cook meals, nor can I do housework. I can't work in my garden. My 21-year-old daughter has to do the grocery shopping for me while my husband is at work. I am basically a great big doorstop.

According to my neurologist, I'm "Doing great!" compared to her other MG patients. If this is "great", I shudder to think what the rest of her patients are experiencing.....

I'm sorry to be such a downer - it is a joy to be pregnant and to have children, but you have some very harsh realities facing you. You HAVE to think about what this would mean to a future child. This decision CANNOT be based solely on what you desire; that is what being a parent is all about, after all.