Yes, Exactly but in my case I have no idea what it is I want. More like disillusioned. So many things I think about the past, I'm not lost in it I just revisit once in a while, that if I had done differently my life would have been so much better. ONE Major decision I made steered my life in such a BAD direction for ME. I did what everyone else wanted me to do and I feel like that was my undoing. It set up a series of events that have lasted now for 35+ years.

I get to feeling like all the things most people take for granted, I never had. I never had a vacation, I never had a baby with someone I loved, I never had the love an support of my family, especially my Mother. Why now at this point in my life am I thinking about THAT?? Seems everything I ever did was to please her and it seems like right up to her death she Hated me. That makes me so Angry/Furious/Sad. I can't DO anything about it, I never could. I just feel like she never even liked me. Usually it's on Sundays when I think about her and our relationship. I just feel Burned-Out.