DiannaDL?Member
This one's hilarious!

tlb?Member
Two guys walk into a bar..........
the third guy ducks.
Teresa

Rabbit?Member
Piece of string walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender stares at him, then says, "We don't serve string here!" The string leaves. Next day the string comes back again and orders a drink. Again, the bartender tells him in no uncertain terms that they don't serve string. String leaves, cuts off one of his ends and kind of fluffs it up. Then he gets one of his friends to twist him all up. He returns to the bar and orders a drink. "Hey, aren't you the same string I talked to about this already??" the bartender says angrily. "no," the string replies, " I afraid not".?[a frayed knot, get it????]
Rabbit

DiannaDL?Member
Mike.. re-read that.. finally kicked in.. that's hilarious.
And.. it only took.. what? a few days?

DiannaDL?Member
A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge."


DiannaDL?Member
Two peanuts walked into a bar, and one was a-salted...

DiannaDL?Member
Finally.. the one I was looking for:
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, 'I think I've lost an electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first says, 'Yes, I'm positive...'

DiannaDL?Member
This duck walks into a bar and the bartender looks at him and says, "Hey, buddy, your pants are down..."

moose53?Member
A snake walks into a bar and says, "Bring me a martini". The bartender replies, "No way pal, you can't hold your liquor"


cathie0?Member

A man walks into a bar and the bartender asks him "What'll you have?". The guy answers, "A scotch, please". The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That'll be five dollars", to which he replies "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this". A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration". The bartender's not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again". The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!". The guy says "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life", to which the bartender replies "I'm very sorry, but it's uncanny. You must have a double." To which the guy replies "Thank you! Make it a scotch."


Poe forevermore?Member
A set of Jumper cables went into a bar. The bartender said, You got to leave! The cables asked, Why? The bartender said, I'm afraid you're going to start something!


kw swim?Member
What is the best way to get a texas gradurate off your porch? pay for the pizza go OU


Erin P?New Member

A man walks into a bar with a small dog under his arm. He sits down at the counter, placing the dog on the stool next to him.
The bartender says, "Sorry, pal. No dogs allowed."?The man says, "But this is a special dog -- he talks!"
"Yeah, right," says the bartender. "Now get out of here before I throw you out."
"No, wait," says the man. "I'll prove it." He turns to the dog and asks, "What do you normally find on top of a house?"
"Roof!" says the dog, wagging his tail.
"Listen, pal..." says the bartender.
"Wait," says the man, "I'll ask another question." He turns to the dog again and asks, "What's the opposite of soft?"
"Ruff!" exclaims the dog.
"Quit wasting my time and get out of here," says the bartender.
"One more chance," pleads the man. Turning to the dog again, he asks, "Who was the greatest baseball player that ever lived?"
"Ruth!" barked the dog.
"Okay, that's it!" says the bartender, and physically throws both man and dog out the door and into the street.
Turning to the man, the dogs shrugs and says, "Maybe I should have said Joe Dimaggio?"


Tomsmum!?Member
A man walks into a bar. He sees two lumps of beef stuck to the ceiling..?He asks the barman "what in gods name are they doing up there?"?Barman says, if you can guess the weight of the beef, you get free beers all night..."?"no thanks" says the man "the steaks are too high...."