Please don't take anything I say too much to heart- many people on here have much more encouraging experiences than I do! And those who know me well here know that I have a talent for saying the wrong thing- I am on the autism spectrum which affects what I write. I want to be informative and I do empathize, but I am often too blunt, and we are all different in our outcomes and situations.
It sounds like you have seasonal affective disorder- if October is a trigger for you. I enjoy the fall aesthetically, but the colder weather makes me a shut in.

Could you get some kind of counseling? When life seems meaningless and too much trouble, and I have been there quite often, stepping back and reconstructing a life beginning with the things that provide enjoyment and distraction seems to help. Even the simplest things. For me it has always been needlework, even though I am not as good at it as I used to be.

I understand the frustration about smoking and eating- sometimes it seems like food is one of the few remaining pleasures in life and I am overly fond of sweets though they are not good for me. I can see how quitting smoking, which while not good for you is probably not contributing to your problem, would just be another burden at this point, and deprive you of a stress reliever.

Please try not to give into despondency. If you know that this is a bad time of year for you be especially gentle with yourself. It sounds as if a lot of other things are going on right now besides your health. Cleaning is a difficult way to make a living, and probably exacerbates your condition with all the physical stress.

Please forgive me for saying anything which upset you. I have had a good life in spite of this disease, and I have had times when I lose sight of that. Honestly, abuse and neglect in childhood has had far more negative impact on my life than CMT has. I am more of an emotional cripple than a physical one despite my walking sticks and handicap plate.

You have to keep fighting, learning, advocating for yourself. Please. Things change all the time, and some changes are for the better.