Thank you for posting here, Renee! It can help you feel better to get your feelings out to people who haven't seen your sadness before.
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Losing someone close to you of any species can be like a mutilation of your soul. You've lost a part of yourself, for sure.

My first cat was the most purrfect pet. Bearcat and I moved a lot, including cross-country. He disappeared for two weeks one time and I left the screen off the bedroom window for him. He came in one night like nothing had happened. I was so relieved!