I am glad you got to be with him when his spirit went home. I could not do that for scruffy. Gail, the woman who I have worked with for 15 years is one of my closest friends. She runs an animal rescue place. Scruffy and I went up to see her all the time, almost daily, so she got close to Scruffy too. she said she couldn't do it with me there as it would upset both of us too much. I placed him in her arms. She did this as a favor, as scruffy was her friend too. I was sick the same way for months. I don't know how many months I moaned, I don't remember. I do know I lost weight too, and could not eat. I felt as lost as you do. Keep close to your other furry friends. If I ever get good enough to send you a picture of my Hercules I will. I have a samsung with pictures of Hercules in my hands. His little ears were the size of my little fingernail. He was preemie and sick. What a cool experience it has been to see him grow up. He is now 5 months old and the time went so fast. He was awful to bottle feed. So anxious, I finally figured out what a mama cat feels being clawed by half a dozen little ones. ginnie