Renee,

I am sorry your are hurting physically & emotionally!! It saddens me to hear your pain through your posts.. I am hugging you gently from afar.

Please don't take this the wrong way - do you think that maybe the comments weren't solely meant to say that by exercising or losing weight that this would alleviate your pain? Do you think that maybe the comments were said out of compassion in that they see your emotional pain and think that by doing either or that this would boost your mental and emotional self thereby helping you cope wit your pain a little better? Since no one except us can understand the type of pain we are in, it would be difficult for them to fully understand our limitations. I would certainly think it would be much worse for someone to suggest I should sit/lay around all day thinking that would help me? Or.. not suggest anything at all which would indicate lack of concern. The words and comments hurt for sure but in defense of those offering they usually don't say it with ill intentions, instead they are just trying to offer some hope and since exercise and weight loss are a hot topic in today's society it comes to mind quickly for most or would seem to be an obvious first avenue of defense for our ANY ailment. I mean think about it.. if I you came to me today and told me what was going on in your life with you pain, concerns about un-diagnosed issues and I could sense your emotional pain, I could see your physical struggles with say weight or movement .. and I said.. well let me order you a pizza, give you a prozac and told you to stay in bed or resting on the couch - would you be just as frustrated with my comment? At least even with the less than understanding comments they were 'positive' and have potential to make a person feel better in one way or another even if it is just an endorphin boost. If however the person gave the poor advice to sit around, take a pill etc., other than a short term relief from the pill none of the advice would help and in fact in the long run if followed, would surely only complicate the problem further. If no suggestions are made at all.. then it is likely because the people we are around are 'over it'.. that is a sign that the relationship is about to disappear. It is all about how we take the words.. sure the sting.. but think about what response you were looking for. What is your "magic" words? What do you want to hear from others? I love you, I'm here for you, I empathize with you, I am here if you need me.. they are great words but in the long run what are those words helping you achieve or strive for even in the worst of pain?

I saw your post about cancer and exercise/weight loss and wanted to comment. It is strongly advised to cancer patients to exercise and make better food choices. This is not for weight loss or fitness benefits but is for the mental boost and positive emotional empowerment that it gives that person. Along the way the person may lose some weight and will obviously improve fitness but that is the bonus not the primary reason for the action. Mental well being is the MOST IMPORTANT aspect when fighting chronic illness of any kind and is proven over and over again through scientific studies and medical studies. Exercise can be as simple as ankle flexing, isometrics or even filling a jar full of marbles.. it doesn't mean you need to get out and run a marathon or even walk a full mile. A mental exercise can be a crossword puzzle, a puzzle a board game or even watching a TV game and playing along... as long as you are doing something to boost your health through even simple forms of exercise this will help you feel better because you will feel some sense of satisfaction, accomplishment and self worth. Diet.. sheesh we all struggle with weight and diet but, you can attempt to improve diet and weight loss just by cutting back on one small thing. For instance if you like flavored cream in your coffee.. switch to milk with less calories and artificial sweeteners and flavor. Each time you swap you have achieved success which will give you a mental boost and something to be proud of.. keep it simple and always strive for better choices without comparing yourself to others.

Sorry for the rambling.. or if any of that was offensive.

Tessa