Yes ma’am, I can completely relate, even on the timeline of the last year and my rapid decline. However you are WAY ahead of me on the appearance thing though. I don’t expend energy on that unless it’s either absolutely necessary or I just feel like it. So go you! I mean I keep up with personal hygiene, but make up and anything other than comfy PJ’s is optional for me.

You’re NOT worthless Az-Di! We are all grieving for who we used to be. Some days more than others.

After reading your post it makes me wonder how old your husband is. The reason I wonder this is because it sounds like he might be lacking the maturity to understand what you are dealing with. I don’t want to sound insensitive about this man that you love. I suppose I am being protective of you knowing EXACTLY what it feels like to put on a happy face to be in the world and appear “normal”.

Hollywood has a twisted view of what beauty is. Some of those types of movies are just plain stupid. For whatever reason, men mostly (sorry guys) enjoy those types of flicks. I wish I knew why, but honestly I really don’t get it.

A healthy sex life is good for many reasons. In jest I would tell my husband we need to have sex because the endorphins as a painkiller are much more powerful than morphine! Bonus, there are extra upswings and no headaches! I get headaches from opiates.

Whoa! Wait a minute! Please don’t think the only way out of these feelings would be to just end your life. I have to admit that I too have had moments of feeling like what’s the point? Here’s what I know about that, it will pass. You will feel differently tomorrow. I really think that a sit down talk with your husband is in order. I think if you (if you haven’t already) get real with him about how you feel, emotionally AND physically, perhaps it will bring some clarity for him. Explain how this movie made you feel. Explain what a toll this disease is taking on you and how that makes you feel.

Oh Az-Di, I wish I could hug you and tell you that it’s all going to be okay. One way or another. I’m not sure why any of us must suffer. But I am sure that life is a terminal condition. One way or another all of our bodies are deteriorating from the time we arrive. Living is not a race; it is a journey my friend. I heard something today that resonated with me. To be broken is no reason to see everything as broken. That meant a lot to me as I am ALWAYS referring to myself as broken, and it is easy to start to think that everything is broken, when in fact it is not.

Hang in there girl! You can do this thing called life. Don’t give up!! We are here for you!