I think this was on the OBT. Almost too true to be funny.
anne

Frequently Asked Questions About Health Care


Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.

Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to
choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents.
Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the
doctors who were participating in the plan at the time the
information was gathered. These doctors basically fall into
two categories--those who are no longer accepting new
patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part
of the plan. But don't worry--the remaining doctor who is
still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office
just a half day's drive away!

Q. Well, can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need
the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave
me a stomach ache. What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.

Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he
can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really
perform a heart transplant right in his office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the
$10 co-payment, there's no harm giving him a shot at it.

Q. Will health care be any different in the next century?
A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment
by then.