Can't really do stuff with my friends. They have actual lives and jobs and kids. (I say "they". I really only have one friend that has a kid. She's busy with her kid, and her job, and she's going to school).

I have a boyfriend, but I think he's been having a bad year. His job is overworking him, and he's got to deal with not having a lot of money. He lives in another city about 50miles from me, so he can't get here that often. I haven't been pressuring him to come here and entertain me, because I haven't felt all that great this year. I'd be a boring date. I'm a little embarrassed at how bad I feel, and I think my body has been changing because of the flare. Getting a little (ok, a lot) deconditioned. Things I could do several months ago are probably starting to get beyond me now.

I do feel a little bit like everyone has abandoned me, but I think that's probably just me feeling sorry for myself. But when you go week after week, and it turns into months where you don't talk to anyone, that gets really depressing. I got my hair cut about a month ago. While I was there, there was a guy there getting his hair cut. I ended up having a really great discussion about politics and what's going on with the world. This guy didn't treat me like I'm an idiot, and I was able to keep up with the conversation. It was great. I need people to talk to like that some more.

I know some people (family) look at me like I'm faking and lazy. That really bothers me. I don't see how a person can fake it. I was around a couple of family members the other day, and when I was talking to my dad with them around, they didn't do the greatest job of containing their facial expressions. Plus, the two of them kept texting/instant messaging each other on their phones. I could hear the chimes of the phones. Then I'd see one of them look at me, and they'd both share an eyeroll or scowl or something. I wasn't imagining that. My dad noticed it too.

I told my dad earlier this summer that I thought that we needed to build a ramp to get out our front door. Stupidly I did this in front of those relatives. They immediately started telling me I was crazy, and didn't need to do that. They got really nasty about it. Got bad enough that I just got up and left the room. It's annoying. I can feel all this weird stuff going on in my body, and can make the deduction about what's going to happen. I'd like to have things in place for when I need it. I didn't like those relatives dismissing me when I was trying to tell my dad what I need. (I think the ramp would be helpful for my parents too) The relatives that were yelling at me are able bodied, and a bit...narcissistic about things. I didn't like them telling me that I didn't need a ramp.

all of that is frustrating.