I think you're right. Whether it was from all the pain I'm in, the pain meds, or my apprehension about the spine surgery, I was feeling bad for myself and thinking about all the other people I knew who have been able to do much more. As someone who had a 3.9 average in high school and went to a good college despite being in constant pain, I thought I'd be able to do much more with my life.

As it is, I have a good job--which isn't real secure as the position may go away and I could be moved to a different position anywhere in the country at the moment, but its unlikely I'll lose my job. This is why I'm breaking my back to take these courses, so I have some control over where I get moved to. I also have people I can talk to at work, even if my social life isn't that great.

I did make a mistake in my original post as I was kind of writing in stream of consciousness. I was probably too specific about why I stopped seeing the girl I really liked, but so much time has gone by I don't think it matters.

The more I think about it, you're right that those relationships are in the past for a reason. I originally told the whole story here of what happened, but I don't think that's necessary. I'll just say she severely abused the fact that we'd been friends for five years and I trusted her. I think she felt bad afterward because, as I said, she called me out of the blue a long time later and invited me out, but that flopped.

Its been over 10 years and I'm sure she's grown up since then. I know I have. While I don't think anything is wrong with seeing what people have been doing with their lives, I think I have o think about going forward and finding new friends, not going backward.