I will try to answer everybody's ?s. I am on anti d's. Not a very high dose I don't think as my doc told me. My dh is scared for me right now too. My walking is leaving me slowly, I can feel it. Its getting slower and harder to walk and more painful too. I left it in my oldest dd's hands, I told her I will no longer beg for her attention. I told her obviously 5 minutes is too much for her, so she knows my phone number, she can call me. I'll never hear from her this I know.

My other dd, she always calls about 2x a week and now I keep an eye on the clock and cut it off at 15 to 20 minutes or less if I catch myself sooner. DD says "oh, are you sure?" and I say yep I am busy and have to do this or that. Im learning to make up excuses. My son doesn't answer his phone so I call but don't leave messages as he never checks them anyway. My hands are not as nimble (if that's even the right word) as they were a few months ago and so texting is getting harder for me to do.

Even typing is getting harder. Fingers are so stiff. Oldest dd wants me to do nothing but text and I tell her I can't well that just ends a conversation quick. 2nd dd understands and is now calling all the time. At least one gets it. We are moving back to IN this coming April to be closer to family. I keep telling dh what's the point? Well, at least we'll be close to the dd that understands and talks to me a lot. I told dh I want to leave her all my stuff in my will because she's the only one showing me she cares.

That's how frustrated and angry I am at the other two. Im still really down right now. Maybe a blade of grass higher than my original post, so not feeling much better. But I do want to thank all of you for your kind thoughts and words of encouragement. It will sink in, but the pain is out weighing every thing right now.