I just wanna curl up and NOT face anybody. We just had a BIG fight about this and he guilt tripped me BIG time. He won't understand and just walked off calling ME an abuser after he laid guilt trip after guilt trip on me. I hate my stupid life. I don't wanna say how LOW I feel right now. I just wish sometimes I wouldn't wake up and have this garbage going on but that is just the way it's set up. I am set up to fail at everything. GOD I hate my life...

He said that "It says a lot about you that you would want to go to a concert and leave youe son like that" and "You have a responsibility to your son, you can't just walk away from that, you're not a 25 yr old kid anymore." I just wish he'd at least listen when I tell him "Nothing is wrong" because I want to avoid a stupid argument. Now he's said "I'll remember this as you being mean and ugly forever. You're just like my mother, she abused me and you are abusing me too."

I wish sometimes I hadn't lived through that damn accident. It's just too much to live from a chair sometimes and my heart breaks when he treats me like this. I didn't abuse him, I yelled and told him to STOP throwing guilt trips on me and "how much more is coming huh?" and that was when he said I was like his mother...It's too depressing to even think about what it's going to be like after we moved. He will guilt trip me for weeks I bet about how I couldn't help with the move at all. I wonder where the guy I fell in love with 20 years ago went to? He's gone, long gone.

He's said that if I ever made a lot of money say with my writing, that I would get rid of him and find a boy toy...Maybe he's right...Maybe that is just what will happen, because I sure do NOT see how I could have abused him and talking like that when I am emotional is not fair to judge me on. He's such a freaking pessimist, I give up...There is no fun in life for me anymore. It's all just work, work, work, sleep only to wake up and repeat the day before. I feel totally wretched.