I am having a hard time with work. Not sure how long I'll be able to tough it out. I have a floor heater, its a pad that I can stick my feet right on, it doesn't get too hot but I keep my shoes on most of the time. I sit at a desk all day, I would never ever be able to deal with work if I couldn't sit all day.

My job involves a ton of brain power. This week the brain is mostly there. Sometimes it's not, but my bosses have been either not noticing or fine with my slowed down pace.

I'm going to get a pain pump (not sure when, I assume next month). I just want to be able to pretend to be kind of normal. Enough to get through a work day and still come home and be a mom. Physically every single day is a struggle. I've had some 8/9 days lately and I just keep telling myself that once I get some better pain meds I can work on my psyche and that'll help everything.

I'm still getting worse each week. I don't know how I'll be able to deal with things in the future. It's super sucky.