Originally Posted by courtney.w

Sorry this is so long... I just need to vent, and I thought maybe some here would understand my frustrations.

I know I need to rest, but that's hard to do when I don't have any means at all of earning a living if I'm not working. I am now working two jobs (substitute teaching and working in an afternoon enrichment program at the middle school for that system) and still don't make even half of what I was making in May, even after working 7:00 am to 6:00 pm. If I don't work, I don't get paid what little I do make... therefore, I absolutely cannot take the time off to rest.

This week I ended up working both jobs every day... Monday through Friday... and by the time I got home from eating dinner with my husband last night, I was so tired that I fell into bed at 9:00 and did not get up until 7:30 this morning, and even that was only because I had to go to work (took the enrichment program kids on a field trip... I couldn't afford to pass up the $250 for one day's work!).

Now it's 9 pm on Saturday and I feel like I could go back to bed right now and sleep all day tomorrow too, but I can't do that because I have things to do and places to go. Ugh!

This is such a vicious cycle for me! I want to get the rest my body seems to be screaming at me to get, so that I can get back to feeling better and working efficiently, but I can't get that rest because even if I stayed home I would just be worried about paying bills or feeling guilty for taking a day off.

The mental exhaustion doesn't help... my depression seems to be getting worse and worse, but my "insurance" that I have gotten since my initial injury doesn't pay worth a crap... so I would need to find something that I could take that would be budget-friendly, which may or may not happen, since different anti-depressants work better for different people.

Oh, and I did look into the assistance that people have mentioned to me... because my husband works full-time and makes $30,000 a year, I won't qualify for any kind of help. We're on the verge of losing our home and/or filing bankruptcy, but yet we make too much money to get help.

I give up. I just wanna go to bed and stay there... lol

Oh, and I seem to be noticing a new symptom. These last several days, I've noticed an achy sensation towards the back of my head too... it's like right at the side of the back where people tend to think of the "crown" of the head ending... almost right above the back of my ear. Is it likely that I'm imagining this because I'm paranoid?