awe... Thanks AZ-Di and hello all!
Oh boy… aren’t you sorry you asked how I was? I have just rambled on… and .. on...and…on!
I’m here.. I think .. lol. Sheesh, it’s been busy for weeks now. We made it to San Francisco. The first couple of days we visited family and tooled around SF. I only thought I had been to SF before (it was on business), my husband and my brother-in-law took me ALL over SF while we were there. They wanted to visit family, visit places they had grown up, and places they shared with their father, and places that were special to their dad… so that is what we did.
We arrived on a Saturday evening and I was exhausted and hurting. The hotel was okay at best, but the bed was decent, thank goodness. Spent Sunday with family, and then sightseeing on Monday. Tuesday services were planned at 1p.m. I had not packed my clothes for services….
What the hell was I thinking??
Grief will make you unable to think, when you really need to be able to, and there was so much to do to leave on a moment’s notice. So I planned to hit a Kohl’s and grab something to make due early Tuesday morning when they opened. Around 4a.m. Tuesday morning I start feeling sick.
I still get up early and feel sick or not, I’m going to Kohl’s and the services. Before leaving the hotel I vomit. Get to Kohl’s, grab something to wear, and am now hustling to a bathroom to hurl again, but this time in a BIG way…
OMG!
At this point I am convinced that I have food poisoning or something. Get back to the hotel, and I still need to shower, etc. I get sick again, and then, yep.. this is awesome… I now have diarrhea too! Perfect! Tears rolling down my face and it is becoming clear that there is no way I can even get the strength to pull myself together (makeup, hair, etc.). It actually was pretty clear while I was at Kohl’s but I just couldn’t bear thinking I wouldn’t be able to attend the services and hold my husband’s hand. Inside I am mad
, but tears and an apology to the guys is all I could do. I spent the balance of the day in bed, and sleeping between visits to the bathroom.
Thank God for Zofran!!
The next day the guys had more places they wanted to see. I was feeling better, not great, but better, so I went along. Man, I was SO SORE in my ribcage from so many trips to the bathroom. It hurt just to breath, and in/out of the car, RSD not happy… it was a long and not so fun, boy I tried to fake it day. I didn’t want to, and really tried not to complain about anything to do with my health while on this trip.
I was still puzzled about what this violent day of revolt that my body was having, was all about. I kept on with the thought of food poisoning but it was my husband that pointed out that we had all eaten the same thing the night before, literally shared plates. My husband says to me, I really think it’s RSD because no one else got sick. I have been struggling with my guts for a while now, and it’s down to this for me. It’s either a gallbladder issue, or a I’m on too much gabapentin for my stomach to tolerate issue, or it’s just straight up RSD attacking my insides. I'm looking forward to my appt with my new neuro doc on 01/24/14.
The balance of the trip was super tough on my body.
LOTS of hills in SF!! We were constantly moving or sitting for long periods of time.
Along with my other meds, I started taking regular doses of tramadol like clockwork! It at least kind of took the edge off a bit.
It was great to meet members of the family that I had only heard about for many years. Such lovely people. The weather was unusually warm for them (70°) and calm, no wind at all. My body enjoyed the warmth. The SF bay is beautiful and the pacific ocean was even more so. It always does my soul good to stand next to the ocean.
My husband and I had a couple of really nice moments alone. We shared a sunset on the pacific and a nighttime view at the top of Twin Peaks that overlooks SF and the entire bay area. My favorite meal was a bowl of hot clam chowder in a sourdough bread bowl on the pier in Santa Crews. Gosh it was so good!
Saying goodbye to the family was really hard and emotional. Exhausted, we get on the plane for Denver. It’s only a couple hour flight, but when I got out of my seat of the plane, I could literally feel my skin being overstretched in my legs and feet from swelling. By the time we got home and I could look at them, my ankles looked like softballs, and my legs visibly swollen.
We finally get to sleep in our bed again.. yay!! And sleep we did… until like 2pm the next day! Omg! Like teenagers. I was sore in every way. My husband was exhausted too. We talked about how we felt like we were hung over. For me and all the meds I was taking, I probably was hung over!
I hate that I missed the services! I hate that I went all that way, spent all that money to get there, and wasn’t able to literally be there for my husband in the toughest moment of all. What kind of crap is that?! And then I think… I am kind of okay with the fact that my last memory of my father-in-law will be when he was here living with us just a couple of years ago.
Since we got back… good Lord, I meet myself coming and going, when I’m not laid up for a day or two of recovery. I’ve had three doc appointments (I’ll fill you in later). And if I wasn’t behind on my edit, I damn sure am now. <sigh> I desperately want the friggin thing out the door, and I am constantly being pulled away from it. It’s madness I tell ya! And to top it off, my daughter has been home sick from school all week. My older, adult children, seem needier than ever. I love them dearly, but good grief, I think they needed me less when they were toddlers. And since I work from home, I’m not really working…. Right?! I’m just sitting around… hanging out
… not! You’d think after 10 years of working from home they’d get it, but they still bug me like CRAZY while I’m TRYING to work. What they fail to comprehend is that my body will only last so long at my desk. They may never “get it”.
I have read a few posts. I know most of us are struggling right now. I’ve been dealing with some swelling (that is unusual for me) and steady pain since we got back. The
ARCTIC BLAST that hit Denver has been miserable at best and joy! there’s an even bigger arctic blast on its way. I can hardly wait!
I’m feeling deflated as we approach Christmas. I’m so not ready!! We have managed to get a tree up and shop a little. I feel like I have been on a marathon for weeks now! I feel like a one legged man in a butt kicking contest!
Ps.. I uploaded a few photos including one of my husband looking out over the ocean, lost in thought.