I was dumfounded. And I realized that I still have not accepted my neuropathy, after all these years. I still think I can overcome it, that I can somehow get better through my own efforts.

I was just thinking this same thing to myself yesterday. I do have a therapist that works with me and I was thinking I need to talk to her about this. I keep telling myself I'll wake up one day and I'll be better. I'll go back to the person I was before. A very active woman, working as a nurse, exercising 5-6 times a week for 2 hours or so. Also, striving to take on the next challenge in my life. Zip lining, propelling, ready to try anything at least once.

Now I feel like what I have left in life is my family and friends. No job, less money, no exercise. No striving. Nothing new in my life except the decline of my body with this disease. More weakness, muscle pain and burning pain then before. I've been dealing with this for 8 years.I have full body SFN and most doctors say Sjogren's also. My bloodwork comes back normal most of the time. All types of specialists, Rx's, etc. I'm getting tired of it all. I go to bed tired and wake up tired. I'm taking most of the supplements that we talk about on here, Cymbalta, Synthyroid and Tramadol. Recently, the pain has gotten so bad I have added at least 1 Percocet per day. Only 5mg it seems to really help me.

Then I beat myself up. I tell myself you can do better than this. Just walk on the treadmill and do some light upper body lifting. I try that and then I'm up all night in severe pain.
I tell myself don't take the meds. They aren't good for you, but then I shudder to think what the pain would be like without them. Then I tell myself I must be weak if I need to take percocets and that I'm probably going to end up addicted to them. Then I tell myself that if I where weak I'd be in bed everyday with all the pain I'm in. I hate the people who say your mind can heal anything. Because if that is so why can't I do it. Why can't I get better. Why can't the doctors come to one conclusion? I have begun to second guess everything I do and take.

My daughter says I analyze everything and need to stop it. I guess she is right. Somedays I feel heartbroken. As you can see today is one of those days. I don't usually bring this here. I mostly cry to my husband. Thank God for him.

Well, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. That's how it usually goes for me up and down. Thank goodness I still do have more good days.

Sorry for the long post!