Vrae honey, I'm so sorry. I'm not surprised you are freaked out by what happened, especially the cruel scenario where you are out in public trying to have a nice time for once....I think we all dread that. Try not to feel bad about it, it happened TO you, you didn't cause it.

This is indeed a sick, mean, heartless disease that can take the fun out of any moment. I don't know what the answer is, but seeing your doc and stopping driving until you have some answers is a good idea, for your own safety if nothing else. I do hope he can find at least a partial solution for you.

I'm glad you've talked with your family about this, even if it was hard to know that they have to be affected by your condition. You have to understand and accept that you can't help any of this Vrae. It's not your choice. Your family (and we) know that you hate these things, that you want to be independent and adventurous, and do all the things you used to. It sucks. And that's putting it very mildly and politely.

I wanted to go into town for a few things earlier, had to ask my kids to go with me. My balance is rubbish at the moment (I can look a bit drunk and weavy on my own) and my knee sometimes goes from under me, so I'm scared to go on my own. I hate that. Hate that little sigh and resigned acceptance, wish we could have some fun instead... I overdid it anyway, toughing out through the pain so that we didn't have to leave too early when they were searching through a shop for some stuff for themselves. Now I'm on the sofa, ice cold ache well in progress, feeling fed up.

I'm not saying mine is like what you've gone through, just that I do get it Vrae. I get that you hate how your life has changed because of is, and that you would give almost anything to get back what you've lost. I feel the same. Sometimes I can't hold out against it, and I'll fall into a little black pit of despair and have a really black, bleak, sad day of pain and tears. Mostly I manage not to, and stuff those feelings into their little box, but sometimes something just happens and you have to let it out for a bit.

You'll be ok Vrae, you're so strong and positive, even if you don't feel like that now. You'll get through this time and find that smile and forward attitude of yours again. Believe in yourself, because I do

Lots of hugs from an understanding Bram who wishes she could give your hand a squeeze and say 'it'll be ok, it will..."

Bram