Hi Fuzz

I'm both a sufferer and a carer if that makes sense. For me, I'm married with my 2nd husband for 22 years, 2 days after our wedding I was put in plaster chest to hips for 3 months. My first husband was a suck it up princess, get on with it, his mother broke her leg when he was in his teens and in his words she never complained, she carried on cooking 3 meals a day, did the housework, ironing and washing, he used to tell me he can still see her standing at the sink in silence peeling the veg. I remember thinking what an incredibly selfish family, 2 sons, 1 daughter and a husband all doing nada to help. So in many ways, people who have suffered in silence before us have done us no favours. My tipping point was when he put me on the airplane from Samoa with his secretary who spoke 5 words of English to fly to NZ for urgent medical help, I was admitted to hospital and stayed there for 1 week before discharging myself to fly home to Aus and my family, oh he appeared 5 days after admission, getting home to Perth he took me to my GP who arranged for me to go to hospital pronto, his words to my dr were "is she really that sick" sitting in emergency he kept clock watching, I suggested he go and off he went with enthusiasm, 5 hours later after his home cooked steak and veg courtesy of his mum he turned up just before 8pm and winced when I asked him if he could ask for another pillow. I've suffered chronic pain virtually all my life from a heart arrest at 6 thru to broken vertebrae, failed surgery and in 2012 a seizure attributed to acute pain which ironically delivered more fractured vertebrae and 2 broken ribs, 2013 more failed surgery and now a pain stim implant. So enough if me.

It's the little things my husband does that make the difference to a crappy day, month, year. From doing the dishes, a load of washing, lately it's the offer to wash my hair as I'm not allowed to lift my arms above my head at present. He brings my medicine to me in the morning along with a cuppa. Feeds the cats and dogs, waters the garden, takes the rubbish out, cleans the toilets and bathrooms. Cooks and prepares meals, does the shopping. Don't get me wrong, there are many many times over the years when I have been able to do all these things and more, and still I try to do things, although right now, I must be good and do NOTHING as it will risk the pain mgt procedure which already is seemingly doomed. You will have to read previous posts if interested in what happened.

For me, it's the little things he can do, and does do, and most importantly, not to then tell me everything he has then done. There is nothing worse than a loved one telling you all they have done because the guilt monster raises its head and makes us feel oh so much worse. Other things he has done is accompany me on medical appts when he can and emergency admissions and always take the time to speak directly to the treating doctor so he can get an understanding of what is going on. We learned long long ago that if you don't ask doctors you can quickly be fobbed off. Yes there are times when I'm having surgery that he drops me at admission at 6am and goes on his way to work, if he took time off for every admission he would be unemployed. I had to give up work in 2012 after the seizure, I hope to get well enough again to return to work, I get jealous he can go to work and I can't. My world has shrunk to the size of our house and he will return to work tomorrow after this last week off. His alarm will go off at 3.55am, he will get up make his breakfast, feed the animals and water the garden (it's summer here) make me a cuppa and bring me my pillls, and then head off for an hours drive to work and a 12 hour shift and an hours drive home to then cook dinner and feed the animals and pick up their waste. My husband is my lifeline and so much more. He does all these things for me and I know he loves me. Like I said, for me, it's the little things, huge things in reality that many others take for granted. Hope this helps you in your journey, hugs to your wife.

My battery has just charged so I can get up and go watch a movie with my husband in the living room. Yay, a day out ... Lol