Quote:
Originally Posted by hopeful
I was thinking this morning. I wonder if there will ever be a time that I wake up in no pain. Or at least less pain.
I am only 55. I know some people on here are much younger and I feel terrible for those of you who are. It's unfair that you should have to be subjected to this at such a young age. At least I was lucky to not develop PN until the age of 48. I had my children at a young age so they were all grown. My last was in college.
My life has changed so drastically. As has all of ours on this site. But I wonder if I'll ever be normal again. I still live on the hope that I will wake up one day and I will no longer have pain, my energy will be back and I'll be able to go on with life. Most people tell me I live in denial and need to get past that and accept my disease. I think why. Why can't I hope for the best and deal with the worst as it comes.
I think I still have many years to be here. I think and pray everyday for some thought on what I can do with the rest of my life. I want to do something meaningful and helpful to others. Not sure what that can be.
When I get these thoughts I think, "You can't do much or you will lose your disability." I know I can't allow myself to sit around and do nothing. At times I feel completely useless.
Does anyone else have these feelings? Please know that as I write this I am not depressed just pondering!  |
Hopeful,
I empathize with you and all I can say is that my illness abated after about 4 years to the point that I was able to live relatively normally with little pain. So anything is possible I feel. I was never one for anything "new age", but the more I mediate and the more I practice positive thinking the more "hopeful" I am feeling and that is a very good thing.
When I worry about the future I have to remind myself that nobody knows what the future brings. I have a client who is in his early 80's and still quite spry. when I met him he told me in his community he is the equivalent of the "black widow". I asked him why? He said his wife died of breast cancer. He then married his 2nd wife (a much younger woman) who then also died of breast cancer. He married a 3rd time though he was cautioned by people not to remarry and his 3rd wife dies of cancer too! I mean what are the odds?
So when I get to worrying about the future I think of this proverb:
If you worry about things and they never eventuate you will have wasted energy,emotion, and time.
If you worry about things and they do eventuate you will have actually lived that experience twice. Once by worrying about it all the time, and then a 2nd time when it truly happens.
I am sure you will get better Hopeful, it just takes time. My 9 years on the board I have seen many many people say they have recovered and have moved on. Sometimes they pop back on just to say hello and and share some good news. I am sure you too will be one of those people.
Aussie
