Hi Heidi I'm so sorry you're struggling to cope right now, after nearly a decade of dealing with pain daily, it's not surprising you have just had enough of it...

There is hope and there are things that can be done. Unfortunately finding the right combination of drugs and treatments for you can take too long, and of course there never seems to be a combination that takes away all of the pain...but you should be able to get through a day without crying from the pain, and that's what your doc needs to deal with quickly.

The insurance question and the problems long-term patients have dealing with the system in the US just makes me want to punch whoever thought of it because ultimately if you don't have money, you suffer. Madness. There isn't an easy answer, obviously , and I can't think of anything that will stop the pain for you. I wish I could.

All I can suggest are some deep breathing exercises. I know it sounds ridiculous when you're crying with pain, and can hardly breathe...but it does help. With the terrible pain comes fear, and then panic when it won't stop. You need to get back some kind of control, even if it's just over one thing. It does help, just a little. You are under enormous stress because your whole body is tensed against the relentless pain, and stress fires all sorts of hormones and things into your system and makes everything worse. Give them a try if you can manage to - a long deep breath through your nose, hold for a moment, then breathe out slowly while you count (under your breath) to 5.

Sorry I can't suggest anything more useful. Take care of yourself and hang on in there...

Bram