Lord knows I am trying to keep some kind of sense of humor because my life has been just ridiculously busy and somewhat overwhelming for a while now.

Brace yourself, I’m about to ramble on again… CRPS does nothing but get in the way of my life, as you all know, all too well.

Things have been serious, and scary with my daughter. She was released from in-pt. Friday night after being there all week, and will have all day out-pt treatments next week, with the earliest full release of perhaps wed. I would tell you her Dx but I’m just not sure I’m ready, and it would take some time writing it and I’m afraid it would be just too emotional right now for me.

I’m not sure that my disease has ever been so in my face as it has been this week.

Monday I found out that she would be in-pt for a week. My husband was great as usual and brought a few things from home for her first night stay. I am at home the second day trying to pull together for her several days of clothes and more comfort items, etc. First I showered. Then I tried to put a little makeup on as to look somewhat human, alive and try not to scare the medical staff.

My back has been giving me grief for a while now which is a bit unusual but becoming constant, leg spasms… and all that other great CRPS stuff too. I have been really worried about my daughter, yet trying to remain as calm as possible as not to add insult to injury and have things flare even more and make me even more immobile, uncomfortable and more difficult to try and help her. Damn that’s HARD (keeping emotions or CRPS in check)!

Anyway, so I’m in her room getting things together, and she has requested some slippers that for the life of me I can’t seem to find. So there I am on the floor trying to look under her bed, closet, etc. Then I just sit there for a minute wondering how the hell I’m going to manage not only getting up off the floor but everything… CRPS has never been so in my face at that moment. The recent fainting/collapsing was pretty in my face too, but now I am physically struggling just to be a mom when my kiddo needs me the most.

I’ve been a mama for 25 years now and my eldest was seriously ill with asthma for the first 7 or 8 years, which is what brought us to Denver as one of the world’s leading respiratory and immunology hospitals is here, National Jewish. And Lord knows all the other kids have had their fair share of scare you to death moments too. My point is that I used to be able to just pick up and start running my buns off chasing all that needed to be done, and do it well. Now, just trying to get myself cleaned up and a bag for her, and trying to make sure I’ve got enough meds on me for whatever CRPS might deal out in a day, trying to think, think, think in a hurry (my mind sucks anymore ) and yadda, yadda, yadda. All while moving, walking, driving, etc has been SO HARD. That’s really an understatement. I’m exhausted and I hurt, and I never did find the damn slippers . Well that’s not true, I found ONE… lol.

OH! And here’s some irony… Some of you know that I have been trying to complete a video edit that I haven’t touched, oh let’s see…. Since I think Nov. I am now in the hospital with my daughter and the man who is the CEO of this hospital… Yep! It’s his daughter’s wedding video I am supposed to be working on and have missed several deadlines. Awesome! I feel sick about this edit not being done and yet life has been nuts for too long now, all completely out of my control.

I’m looking around my house today wondering if my inside Christmas décor will be there until Valentine’s Day, or hell.. it’s Colorado, maybe we’ll just leave it all up year round?

Thanks for the vent. I needed that! I hope things are going okay for everyone else, or at least stable. I am counting down the days to my new neuro doc appt. 01/24!