I haven't been here for a long while... and I probably won't stay for very long. I just want to talk to someone, to share what I'm feeling, and there is no one in my life that I want to share with.

I took a bunch of pain killers, and drank a few shots of alcohol. I'm just trying to escape from reality for a while, it's working a little I guess, but not much. The effects don't last very long, only a few minutes really. I'm still completely coherent, I can still think clearly, and I'm still perfectly coordinated. There was never even a real "drunk" or "high" feeling. I guess I'm just not capable of feeling good. Isn't that what's supposed to happen when you do these things? Aren't you supposed to feel good? It does feel a little like if I fall asleep I'll never wake up.... maybe I should fall asleep.

I don't know why I feel the need to share this with everyone, I can only go so long with zero human contact. The experiences in my life that are worth talking about are very few, and very far between, and this isn't something I plan on doing a lot. I just want to know why people do these things. I just want to feel like a normal person feels.... guess I can't.

I would love it if I didn't have to live for very much longer. I don't want what I can have and I can't have the things that I want. I'm sorry to be gone for so long, only to come back with this weird post. This is messed up even for me.

Sorry