I'm sorry that you're hurting so much too.
Please do check in.

I don't think people are supposed to feel good when they take meds and alcohol like that. I think it's done to make a person numb and it's obviously not "comfortably numb". Numb doesn't get us anywhere. I hope you will talk to a professional immediately and I'm glad that bizi was here earlier to respond to your post.

I was wondering about you recently as I didn't recall seeing a post from you in a very long time.

One day I hope that you tell us more about those experiences you mentioned that you feel are worth talking about. You've never really talked come to think of it. I wish you would.

p.s. You've been feeling like this for years and years now. It's awful. Please get some professional help, lonely1.