I won't be able to sleep tonight again, because my tremors are acting up. I am still in aching pain. I don't remember anything. I know I am going to die, from this young. I just want to know when. These doctors act so indifferent to my symptoms, I get they have lives and family too, but I don't got that now. Emotionally damaged and abused child that hasn't left and now unable to take care of myself at 20. It's degenerative at best to describe it, I am so angry they take this easy breezy type of attitude and pretend like I can wait 10 months, I doubt I make it to 3 at this rate. I almost went into another coma in public last 2 weeks ago, and my mom gets angry at me for making a scene on accident. She said, "Oh I understand, we will get you help." but that's all I get. Excuses and false promises, I hope they stop this stupid charades and give it to me straight, I am very intelligent I can rationally distinguish what my symptoms are and aren't when I am physically capable to.I hate how they think, if it doesn't show up in blood tests nor MRI I am fine have a nice day, well screw them. I don't want to be a vegetable again, and die like my grandma did with alzhiemer's I know I obviously don't have dementia nor alzhiemer's but I am surely still grieving from it hard, because how badly they mistreated her body when she was vegetative and couldn't take care of herself. I hope I can make a will that says, if I am vegetative I want specific people to come see me before I pass, I want to die prematurely because I do not want to be on tubes nor oxygen, and have all these family members put all their money into me like they did with my Grandma how she suffered. I will not tolerate it and it will not happen. I am just very angry on this only treatment I am getting, which takes a laxadaisical approach. I have a hard time doing anything, I used to be very active energetic and very healthy, now I can't even move out of my bed, and they say oh you'll be fine come back in 5 months. I don't know, this is ridiculous, if you don't show up on tests they rather not help you wait till you die and expect to be finding answers on an autopsy report, and they might not find anything to begin with. This is a very difficult time for me, and I hate how this is going. I don't know what to do.