Pam,

I am so very sorry for everything that you are going through right now. As I read your post, my mind was filled with so many things to say - encouraging words - hopeful words. Like, "This is just the next chapter - it's going to be great!" Or, "Remember that this disease doesn't define us, and a wheelchair won't define you!"

That's what my "head" wanted to say.

But my "heart?" My heart was broken for you. And while we all know the truth of our situations, and while we strive to be hopeful and encouraging - maybe moreso for the loved ones in our lives than for ourselves - the truth is that sometimes this just really sucks.

So tomorrow I'll say all of those things. But today? Today my heart breaks with yours. Today I will simply sit beside you. Today I will let your pain be my pain - your yearning, my yearning.

It truly is so very hard sometimes. The countless procedures - holding my head high and trying to be brave as I walk into the procedure room, knowing all the while how very painful the procedure will be. Allowing myself that one, silent tear to run down my cheek while I am face down on that awful, torturous table, and then brushing it away and walking out with a smile on my face so that I can maybe help erase the worry creasing my sweet husband's face. The surgeries that knot my stomach up in fear . . . filling my body with metal and screws to help hold my spine together, and with cables and a battery pack that fills my every waking moment with buzzing . . . vibrations to help ease the constant pain.

And yet we trudge on. We hold our heads high, carefully applying our makeup of hope and smiles . . . yet inside . . . oh - how differently I feel on the inside sometimes. I'm scared. Frustrated. Angry. Sad.

So tomorrow - tomorrow I'll say all of the wonderful, encouraging things that we truly do need to hear and believe - because it really is all true - we will go on. We will stare down this beast and refuse to let it define, control, or intimidate us.

But today? Today my heart breaks with yours. Today I will simply sit beside you. Today I will let your pain be my pain - your yearning, my yearning.

=Becky