Thank you Debi -

My primary attorney can't be bothered to return my calls. He referred me to the attorney who filed my federal court appeal - that attorney has been somewhat responsive. He asked me to get a letter from my psychiatrist stating that having my private medical records published on the internet for the world to see was detrimental to my mental health so that he could ask federal court judge to seal my record. There are no guarantees that federal judge will do so, so right now I'm in a holding pattern. A horrible, nightmare-filled, panic attack holding pattern. I can't stop crying. Right when I think I'm going to be OK, the tears start again followed by another panic attack.

I really could use some encouragement and moral support right now.

I think I'm sinking into a really bad place. I'm kind of scaring myself. I hope I don't have to go inpatient. It's been 20 years since that was necessary. Don't want to experience that ever again.

I would have never agreed to take my case to federal court had I known this would happen. Actually, I was going to just let the whole thing go after the appeals council denied my appeal twice. I ignored the letter from my primary attorney to call the fed court attorneys, as I'd had enough. I thought the whole ordeal was over. But the fed court attorneys CALLED ME AND TALKED ME INTO IT!!!! I told them I'd had enough of the waiting, the abuse and contempt from the ALJ. I told them I was weary and tired. They told me to "keep up the good fight."

So this is what I get for listening to them. I think a lot of people are going to literally crap themselves when they realize their psychiatric records are on the internet for the world to see.

Please help me get the word out that this is happening. I think the data mining companies started publishing SSDI federal appellate hearing records in Oct 2013 so this is a brand new thing. I hope nobody else will be victimized like I am.

If the federal judge won't seal my records (which I can't believe he wouldn't....but then again trying to figure out any judge's logic is an exercise in futility to say the least), then I guess my last resort will be to change my name.

Seriously...at least criminals can have their criminal records expunged after a few years. I haven't done anything wrong. I haven't broken any laws. Yet, this will be attached to my good name on the internet forever. I know that I shouldn't be ashamed of my illnesses, and I'm not. But let's face it: There are plenty of people out there who WILL discriminate against me, deny me jobs, etc. I will become even more marginalized than I already am. This is precisely why we have HIPAA laws. I'm just flabbergasted.

That is, unless the federal judge is willing to be nice and help me out. My faith in judges is not good at all.