One of my favourite sayings back in the day was. "I am not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics go to meetings."

With that being said, I was not an alcoholic till about 2009 (after 20 years of drinking) when it dawned on me that my drinking was affecting me in negative ways. It was also affecting others around me (like Newstown pointed out).

Denial is one of the biggest hurdles to overcome when dealing with an abuser of a substance.

Bizi, look back over this thread and read it from a 3rd party point of view. Does that look like "normal" behavior to you?

Blackouts, bing drinking, accelerated consumption, hangovers, etc....

This is not a place to sugar-coat things. You are here for a reason. You have a problem.

FWIW, I attend (and lead) Celebrate Recovery meetings because they work, not because they are Faith based (but that is a perk), and if you attend them with an open mind they have a much higher success rate than AA meetings.

I would give anything to be able to have just one drink. I would love to have a glass of red wine with a ribeye steak at a 5-star restaurant. A cold beer after work would be heavenly, but I was not wired for that.

Again, you are posting here for a reason. What is it? This is not meant to be mean, but to get you to think outside the box.