Thanks Kevscar. I know I did what I could but, I could have taken the time to ask as she is no different than us in that she hid her affliction so not to burden others with what they couldn't really do anything for. Just like my other dear friend with MS.. she never complained, she did amazing things even though her limbs were full of atrophy and dystonia and there wasn't a time I remember her worrying about people who didn't understand (and trust me there were many who didn't and even more who judged). When I did ask directly about MS she would share but, never once did I hear her say anything about it without someone asking.. we all just lived like it wasn't there. I believe with my whole heart that, this is the reason she lived a very happy life despite the pain and challenges. Only after her passing and my diagnosis of CRPS did I learn that she also suffered from CRPS which is very common among those with MS. However, even if I had known then.. I don't know if my knowing would have helped or hurt. I know I hate it when people treat me differently now, as it only makes me think about it and it creates and invisible spin on everything. I don't need someone to pick things up so I don't trip, or make/change plans around my limitations - I can and will work around the CRPS myself, I will look when I'm walking so I don't trip (and if I do I will get back up), I will get the dishes/laundry done a few minutes at a time... the more others do for me, the more dependent I will become and that won't help me in the long run, at least that is what I learned from being blessed by her friendship and beautiful life! I am grateful to have witnessed her triumph over such a debilitating and deadly disease, and even more so now that I can look to her for encouragement when life seems impossible. Her legacy is alive!!

Even with my husband I don't share all about what is going on with me. He is an amazing support and understands more than most because it is his best friends Mom who had MS and he has basically been a sibling in this family all his life. But - as much as this is overwhelming for us, even the most caring people will have a hard time fathoming and dealing with how this affects them if to much is given at once. It seems that in my network of support different people have different roles. My best friend will understand the physical pain much better, so she is the ear for that. My husband clearly see's the emotional and mental impairment so he is my rock in helping me deal with that.. I hide my physical pain from him more because I don't want him to worry about every time he touches me (he still does but I try not to add fuel to his concern) and eventually stop.. I need that touch even if it causes pain or the lack physical contact and intimacy will slowly kill me. The friend that who understand the physical pain couldn't handle my emotional/mental struggles on top of what her own life throws at her, and I understand that. One of my other friends does therapy with me one day a week and keeps me accountable on other days.. that is SO helpful!! Spreading out who you can lean on through different aspects of this disease seems to make it much easier on everyone.. no one gets burdened and I when I'm feeling down I know that one person can usually handle one part of this better than the whole boat so to speak. In turn, when that friend is hurting and need me.. they are more willing to lean back without worry that I already have to much on my plate.. that is important because we still have so much to give!!

Rambling again.. sorry. I really hope something of what is written will help someone somewhere along this journey. It is painful for everyone but there is hope if we are tolerant and creative we can help our friends/family/co-workers adjust to it as well. A few tears along the way and hurt feelings are bound to happen unfortunately.